First, I want to say that this is not meant to debate, discourage, encourage, or otherwise deliberate on the quality of life experienced by the women who have chosen to live what is now known as the “tradwife life.” It is merely my attempt to point out a few key financial concerns that some women may – or may not – have considered when deciding to embrace the lifestyle of being a tradwife.

If you are new to this concept, I can share there is a large and growing number of women who are leaving their places of employment, not pursuing their education, and are intentionally choosing to “return to the home” to take their role as wife and mother as their primary calling as a woman.

While this doesn’t seem like a new concept in society at all, there is something very different about how this current migration back to the home is taking place.

Not all tradwives fit exactly into my short description, and some have advanced education and have held high-level positions within corporate or entrepreneurial roles. The common theme is the intentionality of exiting the workplace and leaving the sole financial support of the wife and family to the husband, regardless of his ability to provide financially.

As an experienced licensed faith-based therapist, I come to this work having done research on financial situations where women find themselves after sometimes decades of having lived the life of a tradwife. With nearly 20 years in this work and publishing on this specific topic, I feel well-situated to share a few areas that wives would be wise to be aware of now and, perhaps, make a plan for healthy changes if they find themselves in some of the descriptions and examples I will share here.

As a researcher and writer on finances in relationships, I have identified a few common themes that occur in couple dynamics when one spouse remains in the workforce, and the other does not.

“Where is the money?”

As a wife and life partner, it is vitally important that you know where your family’s money is located and which banking institutions are used for checking, savings, and investment accounts. Even if paying bills isn’t part of your duties, having knowledge of all the account numbers, the ability to independently log into online banking platforms to access balances, and see the account statements is vital to your role at home. You may wonder why this is true since your spouse does a great job of managing the finances. Experience has shown me that wives who gradually or abruptly lose access to this information struggle later in their marriages. A husband who embraces his role as provider and protector should have no hesitation with his wife having full access to their shared financial life together. Apprehension or an outright refusal to grant access would be considered a red flag in the transparency of the marriage.

Role assignment is not the same as role secrecy.

You have a shared life together and while some aspects are delegated as His & Hers, finances should not be one of them. Siloed knowledge held by only the husband is too risky and a setup for possible painful future financial disclosures.

“How much money do we have?”

Similar to knowing how to access all the bank accounts, wives need to have an honest, up-to-date, and clear picture of their family’s full financial portfolio. Sometimes tradwives have access to only certain accounts with their names on them or are given an allowance by their husbands. Their credit cards are paid off by the husband, and the wife never knows the full picture of the family finances. This scenario establishes a differential in power that, when it doesn’t go as planned, it is always the wife who is harmed and no one else. Having access is one important factor to having a healthy financial relationship and knowing the full picture of the finances is just as important.

“Whose money is it?”

As a wife, it may be easy to fall into the pattern of believing the couple or family finances are “his money.” As a therapist, I hear this often from clients who are stay-at-home wives. It isn’t that these clients are complaining or have an issue with their role, but the belief that he earns the money so it must be his has become so ingrained in their subconscious that this just casually comes out as they are speaking. If the premise of tradwife life is that each spouse has their designated role for the fulfillment of reaching the highest quality of life as they see it, why then would one partner be able to take full ownership over their designated area? Tradwives would not refer to their children as “my kids” to the exclusion of their husband or the same for their home. They embrace the concept of our home and our children. The same must apply to our money. The possible pitfall that comes from viewing money as his is that both partners start to drift from the shared vision they had when beginning their designated role responsibilities. Thinking in individual terms like “his money” or “her home” doesn’t reinforce the togetherness that many couples are seeking by entering into a traditional marriage.

“He barely makes enough money for us to make it.”

 I’ve known plenty of tradwives who quietly share that their husband demands the role of financial manager but doesn’t handle money well, equally between the spouses, or is unable to make enough money to meet the couple’s or family’s basic needs. Families are financially strained and living in conditions that could be considered squalid or are continuously borrowing money from family to help support the tradwife life desired by both spouses. Other times, the husband is designated as the financial expert but he is not the best spouse suited for financial management. Living a tradwife life isn’t just about each spouse fulfilling a role to meet a specific life goal, but also about the quality of life within each of those roles. We can say we do many things, but not all things show vibrancy and the fruit of blessings.

 “Being prepared for life events.”

 Life doesn’t go as planned. We all know that and have maybe watched family or friends face the unexpected, but we never believe it will actually land at our own front door.

Tradwife life places women in a position of vulnerability to the financial demands they may not be equipped to take on should the need arise.

As a wife who stays home, you don’t have to live in fear of the unknown but you also should have the ability to financially care for yourself and any children should you be forced into that life change. I have watched far too many women who were out of the workforce year after year, and then find themselves forced back into work because the marriage was no longer safe and they left, a husband chose to leave, he became ill or disabled, or he passed away. The tradwife life may be appealing while the partners are young, healthy, and able to sustain themselves on the one income provided by the husband’s job, but that doesn’t mean it will remain that way over the passing of time. Gaining a level of education and skill-set before becoming a tradwife will allow you to re-enter the workforce should you have to. Keeping an updated resume listing out volunteer work and other skills used as a wife will help you if you suddenly find yourself in need of independently earning a living. Having regular, open, and honest estate planning conversations with your husband is critical to you being successful in caring for yourself and any children should you be called upon to do so.

My hope is that if you are what has been termed as a tradwife, that you feel no judgment from my words because I know many who choose to stay home share with me that they experience considerable misunderstanding and ridicule from those outside of the tradwife community. It is my heart’s desire that women embrace their God-given talents to live their most fulfilled life. If that includes for you being out of the workforce, I hope you consider some of the potential concerns I have shared and, if needed, make a plan to build your life on a firm financial foundation and future.

Remember to keep dreaming big!

Shannon