Our Own Worst Enemy

self sabotage

The word sabotage may seem too strong when considering how we might treat ourselves but I really believe that it’s accurate for some situations. We do sometimes sabotage our own success or happiness. It’s just a fact. We subconsciously set into motion certain actions or words that we have a hunch will stop growth from happening and then we may be surprised when we don’t see our hopes come to completion. It’s a vicious cycle that some people sadly never orbit out of and find a path of true breakthroughs.

The question at the heart of it all is why? Why would we intentionally, albeit subconsciously, hinder our own lives? There are several possible underlying faulty beliefs.

I Don’t Deserve Good Things:

If in our heart of hearts, we don’t think we deserve to reach our weight loss goal or have an authentic loving relationship, we will do things that make sure we don’t receive these gifts. Many of us grew up with parents who encouraged our growth and the development of a solid self-image but for every child that was raised in an encouraging home, I believe there are more who did not. If we were not brought up to believe we  deserve goodness and can achieve it, then we will unknowingly sabotage our adult efforts. We have to come to a deep understanding that we were made to live a fulfilling life and it is our duty to give our best efforts towards that goal. Otherwise, we live with a nagging sense that happiness and personal growth are for other people but not us.

I Will Lose Loved Ones If I Change:

As a counselor I often hear people talk about wanting to make significant personal changes in their lives but they are very concerned about how those around them will respond. This is a real challenge for many people. If we go back to school and better our career, we may lose touch with current co-workers or if we decide to take an honest look at our dependency on alcohol, there is a high likelihood that our social circle would need to be altered in maybe some significant ways. We all know on a gut level that as we make radical or even semi-radical changes in our lives, things around us will shift and not all loved ones will be happy with the new us. I find this really sad honestly and should serve as a red-flag that perhaps some of our relationships don’t have our best interest at the core.

If I Try And Fail, I Will Wish I Had Not Tried At All:

To me this is probably one of the hardest of the self-sabotaging thoughts to identify and therefore hard for people to correct. We lie to ourselves and say that of course we want success in life so this concern is often buried way below the surface and requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves if we are going to pinpoint it as a reason for self-sabotage. This fear plays out in a manner that looks like minimal efforts when better efforts were possible. It looks like taking the slightly easier road all the time rather than going full speed into personal growth. Basically, it looks like laziness, half-baked efforts and slothiness (I think I just turned sloth into a verb but you hopefully get my point). Chronically giving less than our best efforts is the name of the game. We often see this in teenagers who are afraid to put themselves out there and maybe not meet the mark even after having tried really hard. This same thinking follows people into adulthood too.

Whatever the reason may be that we find ourselves being our own worst enemy, there are solutions and ways out of this trap.

Are you your own worst enemy? If so, do you identify with one of these faulty thinking patterns or have you developed a different one not listed?