It’s Complicated

relationships

Counseling clients talk  about wanting to move forward in some area of their lives; that’s why they chose to take the time and invest financially into figuring out some things for themselves. Life is complicated and many people get tired of feeling like they are burdening their family and friends with conversations about the same areas of needed growth. Finding a counselor that someone feels very comfortable with and has similar views on life can be a huge help to moving forward.

I will say it again, life is complicated. One of the areas that seems to stumble a lot of people is sorting through competing feelings. Our opinions and emotional ties to one topic can have several different, often opposing, viewpoints.  I see many clients who come into the office to talk about relationships. These are sometimes romantic but they are often also relationships with family members, co-workers or friends. People get tripped up when, within their own minds, they can’t sort out what they are feeling because there are so many different thoughts, like a bunch of bubbles floating through the air. 

To really grasp this idea, either take a good look at the picture above or better yet, go get some bubbles and blow some. Really look at the perfectly round, self-contained circles as they catch the breeze. They are not dependent on one another. Each one is completely autonomous unto themselves. Our feelings are often like this and we can have all these different bubbles of emotions and thoughts happening within us at any given time. When working with clients, I try to normalize the bubble experience and help clients be more comfortable with the feelings within themselves.

As an example, someone could believe that the time might be right to end a relationship. That client may have very different reasons that led them to this moment in time and more than likely, they ping-pong back and forth to all the different “bubbles.” One bubble might be that they have been in the relationship for a long time and therefore have much invested into the relationship working out for the long haul. But the bubble right next to that one is full of sadness because they feel overall very disappointed in the genuine connection within the relationship. Another bubble is full of the fun memories that the two people have created together. The laughter, the good times and the moments they share with only that person.  Floating near by is the bubble of resentment for hurts that have happened within the couplehood. There are usually many bubbles to sort through when someone is facing a possible break-up with a loved one.

I think it’s important that we start to become aware of the bubbles within ourselves. They may not be about ending a relationship but I am 100% sure that each and every one of us has our own set of bubbles. The question is whether we are aware of the discord within our own emotions. It could be changing a career or job, starting something new in life, ending something old in life or a thousand other variations. Do you know what your bubbles are filled with and on what topic? Do you feel the need have only the “right” bubbles floating and try to pop the ones that make you uncomfortable? Don’t feel bad. It’s a common desire to get rid of those bubbles or thoughts that don’t fit neat and tidy into how we see ourselves or what a nice person would think and feel. The problem with just trying to pop the bubble or get rid of unwanted thoughts is that unless we really grapple with the topic, just shoving down the emotions won’t really solve anything because guess what? The bubble comes back and floats around again and again. Simply wanting something to be true doesn’t make it so. We must fully work through those things that rattle around in our brains.

Next time you see a bottle of bubbles, go ahead and grab it, open the top, get that slimy wand and blow some bubbles. Watch them as they exist separate and apart from each other. Then think about what emotions and feelings would be in each bubble you see. Then just let it be as it is; until you are ready to really look at the fact of whether there are more positive aspects or negative regarding a decision you need to make. Eventually what we need to do becomes clearer and clearer and then we can take the action we need to. Until that time comes, let all the feelings be separate and try not to force what is complicated to become uncomplicated just because it’s uncomfortable.

So, what are in your bubbles today?