With the release of my second book in the Healing from Hidden Abuse series, Exposing Financial Abuse: When Money is a Weapon, I’ve received many questions about what exactly qualifies as economic exploitation and abuse. Little is written and even less is published on the specific topic of financial abuse, so I understand the confusion that currently exists.
Where is the line between normal struggles with money within a marriage or family, and when does it become exploitative and abusive? Why is addressing financial abuse an important topic to highlight? Why haven’t more authors tackled this subject sooner and shed light on behaviors that impact so many people around the world on a daily basis?
Why does there seem to be an almost apathetic attitude about financial abuse, as if it’s just a norm that can’t be fixed within an unhealthy relationship?
These are questions that we need to address head-on so that the individuals and families being harmed by a financial abuser can get the help they need and deserve. A new path is being forged in this area and defining exactly how economic control works is at the heart of why I wrote Exposing Financial Abuse.
It’s very important to remember that there’s a wide range of behaviors that should be considered toxic when it comes to money and how it’s used within relationships. As the understanding around financial abuse increases, so will the conversations about it. For now, I want to highlight three key components of economic harm.
Family Court Fraud
Does your ex-spouse suddenly stop paying child support as a means of furthering their abuse and control over your life? Did your ex-spouse hide his or her income from being included in the calculations for child and/or spousal support? Does your ex-spouse use the family court system as a tool of threats and further harassment?
Within the family court system, lies are being accepted without any consequences. Toxic ex-spouses are able to hide money, lie about their actions related to the couple’s joint money, and use the court system as a means of control against the victim spouse.
Rarely does a financial abuser within the family court system receive legal or economic punishment for not following the Court’s orders related to money. Abusers go on and on with their toxic agendas and drag the victim spouse along for the very expensive ride.
Why is exposing financial abuse important? Ask anyone who has been the target of family court fraud how it impacted not only their financial stability, but their emotional and physical health as well. As a trauma therapist, I can tell you that some of the most devastated clients I’ve worked with have been those who endured an intense legal battle with an economic abuser.
Do you carry the full burden of making enough money for your household because your partner refuses to maintain steady employment? Are you blamed for creating financial stress but are not the one who overspends? Were or are your finances impacted by someone who used hidden ways to sabotage your financial stability?
Covert control is one of the most surprising ways financial exploitation takes place.
Most people who have read Exposing Financial Abuse have shared that they were shocked by how many different ways someone can cause hidden harm to household finances. Passive control looks like someone intentionally causing debt to keep the family budget so tight, the victim partner doesn’t have enough money to leave the toxic relationship. Hidden abuse in the form of economic control happens when a spouse hops from job to job and it’s always someone else’s fault. They take no responsibility for being chronically unemployed or under-employed for what’s needed to meet the family budget. Sabotage is often at the heart of a covert economic abuser. They try to ensure that their victim can’t gain financial stability. Their actions may be hard at first to pinpoint as abusive, but over time, the pattern can clearly be seen and is usually the financial wreckage they leave behind.
Were lines of credit taken out in your name without your consent? Has your partner moved money from your joint account to a secret individual account without your prior knowledge or consent? Were or are you denied access to bank accounts by your abusive partner?
The aggressive financial abuser is what we’ve come to think of as the stereotype – the person who holds all the access to the family money and decides how it’s spent. Overt control can include withholding normal items like clothing for children that fit properly or basic needs even though the family budget is more than enough to cover these things.
Dominance in the form of controlling money creates a very unhappy world for the target, which is precisely the goal of most overt economic abusers.
They want to be the ones who pull the strings as the puppet-master to those closest to them. We don’t have to understand why they find entertainment out of this power, we just have to recognize it to be true. A smirk or an ugly laugh often gives their abusive intentions away.
We’re on the cusp of a breakthrough in knowledge and exposure surrounding the hidden world of economic control and abuse. Please join me in writing about this topic, speaking up if you’ve been a victim of this form of abuse, share quotes on social media, and talk to your co-workers about financial abuse and how it impacts its victims. Do what you can in your circle of influence to expand the awareness of this hidden world and help break down the apathy that currently keeps its victims in the shadows.
Keep dreaming big!