Mommy Wives

 

Alright ladies, this post is for you. Although what I have to share might come with a little bit of a sting . After years of counseling with couples, I have noticed some patterns in the way spouses relate to one another. Some patterns are about men’s behaviors (and that is for another post) and some patterns relate to women.

Today is about the ladies. One of the most consistent patterns I have seen during marriage counseling is when wives begin to treat their husbands like one of the kids.  If you ask a wife if she does this, most will say no. But truth be told, many wives are making the mistake of lumping their communication to their adult husband with how they communicate with their minor children. As moms we guide, instruct, give consequence, set limits and yes control our children and their behaviors. This is NOT the role of a wife though. Your husband already had a mom and it wasn’t you. Ouch? Maybe. But it is sad as a counselor to see women make this mistake and erode the bond within their marriages.

Ladies, we must listen to ourselves when we are speaking to our husbands. Better yet, let us ask our spouses if they feel like we treat them like one of the kids. If they say yes, we better listen and make some changes, quickly. It is an easy mistake to fall into, but treating our husbands like a big kid can have long lasting consequences. Men have told me that when their wives don’t treat them like adults, it breaks something deep within the marriage.

It is not our job as wives to control our husbands. They are equal players within the game of life and we must realize this on a daily basis. So listen to yourself speak to your spouse. Are you trying to get your way most of the time and are using similar tactics that you would with the kids; or even the exact same words?  If you have found yourself being a mommy wife, apologize to your husband. Tell him that you now see the mistake you have been making and agree to work on it together.  He needs your respect and equality within your life together or in years to come, you will wonder why he seems so distant and checked out.