There is a phenomenon in counseling that is very real and hard to understand how it happens. For years, I and other therapists, have noticed that we will often have a cluster of new clients that all come in with a very similar concern that they want to work on. The issue could be marriage, parenting, grief/loss or any number of other concerns. My most recent cluster have come in to talk about and work through the process of letting go of something.
Letting go of a job that is no longer, letting go of a life dream that has not worked out or letting go of someone special in their lives. The theme of letting go has been very present within the office lately. Why is letting go so hard? Even when we know something has changed, reshaped and transformed itself, why do we have such trouble allowing it to happen and then moving on?
I think one of the main stumbling blocks to letting go of something is that we remember the best of something. We want to regain the “glory years” if you will of when we remember being most succcessful at our job or enjoying a special closeness and connection within a relationship. We want what once was but may never be again. There is a death of sorts that occurs when we lose something very special to us and we have no way of resurrecting it.
How do we let go and move on when the circumstances require us to do so? We become very honest; atleast with ourselves if no one else. We honestly take an inventory of our feelings and emotions related to the loss. We allow ourselves to be completely transparent with God about our feelings. He knows them anyways and wants us to be real with Him. We allow ourselves to grieve as if a real death did occur. We cry, we pray, we thank God for what is good in our lives and we allow Him to heal us over time. We are not surprised by the depth of our saddness but look for things to be grateful for in the middle of the loss. We also do what God has commanded us to; which is to live one day at a time. So for today we can try to let go and pray for God’s help to wait expectedly to see what He has planned for us next.