A Wagon With No Wheels

couple's counseling

“She has hitched her heart to a wagon that has no wheels” – A burning bush 

Just kidding. A burning bush didn’t actually speak that to me. But man, I’d love it if I was walking along and a bush just burst into flames and out came the voice of God imparting all wisdom. No, instead it was spoken by a wise friend of mine who is full of insightful quotes.

She has hitched her heart to a wagon that has no wheels. What exactly does that mean, you might wonder. We were discussing the unfortunate predicament that another person was in by bonding with a man who can not and will not ever be an adequate romantic partner.  How often have we ourselves or know of someone who has hitched themselves to a man-wagon that is going no where? Or we can change the gender and say a man who hitched himself to a woman-wagon without wheels and therefore stuck right where she is.

What causes us humans to allow ourselves to bond with people who can not meet our basic need for love? Sometimes our desire for companionship is so great that we rationalize being in a relationship that is unhealthy. We then become willing to compromise ourselves to mold into the dysfunction. Our next step is to seek out other people who will tell us that the relationship is ok and we should proceed. If we hear negative comments about the wheel-less wagon, then we stop listening to those people and seek out others who will tell us the wagon is a good fit for us.

How do we know if we are potentially hitching our hearts to a stuck wagon or maybe even have already been connected to one for too long; waiting for wheels to materialize? A healthy relationship consists of many components but at its core there should be mutual respect for one another, open and honest communication about our strengths and weaknesses, compassion for the humanness of each partner, encouragement of the individuals maintaining personal independence to pursue hopes/goals/dreams and at the end of the day, a couple should feel like best friends that unconditionally love one another and want what is best for the other person.

If the idea of being emotionally attached to a man or woman who is going no where forward with you sounds familiar, don’t be discouraged. There are many things that can be done to help couples get moving again. However, there are times when unhitching is really the only self-respecting option left. Talk to someone who you trust and value their opinion if you think your heart might be hitched to a wagon with no wheels.  It’s a very lonely and painful experience so try not to isolate and go it alone.