I am frustrated. I just woke up annoyed. Ever been there? The reason I have a low grade level of aggravation this fine morning is because I find some of the teaching on narcissism to be truly damaging and confusing to survivors. I know that’s not the intent of well-meaning people but the outcome is still the same.
I do a lot of reading, listening to podcasts/radio shows and in general spend time doing research on the topic of narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy. I can tell you that there are different camps of people out there who propose a wide range of beliefs about the development of personality disorders and the spectrum of what we should expect as normal human character flaws. Narcissism seems to be the gray area where most discord bubbles up. Good ol’ Sigmund Freud tried to normalize narcissism and some folks have been jumping on the Siggy bandwagon ever since. From a modern therapeutic perspective, I find it frightening.
You see, when people speak, write and share their belief that we all have some level of “narcissism” within us, it completely waters down and minimizes the depth of trauma a survivor has experienced at the hands of a real, fully developed, clinically diagnosable Narcissist with a capital N.
We are not all narcissists.
Within any given moment, do we all have the ability to be completely self-serving, manipulative, snarky to a stranger, snap at our kids, slam doors in the middle of an adult temper-tantrum, seek our own self-preservation at the expense of someone else and so on? Sure we do! No one would argue that people can be real dirtbags at times. However, once the moment of our toddler-esque meltdown is over, we feel bad. We realize what a jerk we were and are embarrassed that we took our inner annoyance out on another person. We apologize by saying sorry, doing something nice for the other person or we just inwardly repent for being hostile towards a stranger. We come back to our baseline of being a normally decent human being and can reflect back on our ridiculous behaviors. Narcissists can not do that. Should I say it again? Narcissists can not do that. They can not, will not, don’t desire to be self-reflective, always blame others and will never ever change. So, back to the question of whether we are all a little narcissistic. No, we are not. Narcissists are narcissists and the rest of humanity have a normal range of moods and character flaws. Big huge gaping hole between the two.
Why do I find it damaging to survivors when people speak and write about narcissism being normal? Imagine growing up in a home with an alcoholic. For some, this sadly won’t be too hard to imagine because that’s exactly what they did. They know the palpable tension that was in the room every evening or weekend while the alcoholic became more and more drunk. They know the embarrassment of having friends over when the alcoholic couldn’t or wouldn’t hide their intoxication and it spilled out for everyone to see. They know the terror when the alcoholic became enraged and lashed out verbally or physically, or perhaps both. An adult child of an alcoholic knows in every fiber of their being what living with a true alcoholic is like. Now, imagine people were writing books, speaking and sharing the belief that we are all a little bit of an alcoholic. Yep. Every single person who engages in drinking a beer, glass of wine or cocktail is now an official alcoholic. Seems odd right?
It should seem off because not everyone who consumes alcohol does damage while they consume alcohol nor is it a pervasive pattern of behaving. Ahhh. There’s that terminology again. Pervasive Pattern of Behaving. You see, that’s the key to determining whether a behavior is merely normal character defects or perhaps warrants a diagnoses. As a counselor, when folks talk about their relationship to alcohol and their stories start to worry me a bit, I ask them to go to a local recovery center and do an assessment with a specialist. We need to know where on the spectrum is the person regarding addiction. Some people come back to my office and say that the assessment showed they have tendencies towards alcohol addiction but their behaviors don’t currently rise to the level of an Alcoholic. Other people don’t come back to my office because they immediately entered a 28 day rehab program because their relationship to drinking was abusive. During recovery meetings, those people will have to become real comfortable saying their first name and adding “I am an alcoholic” behind it. Acknowledging they have a problem is part of the recovery. Not everyone needs to be able to say they are an alcoholic because they are not one. Same with narcissism. Not everyone behaves in ways that rise to the level of being diagnosed as a Narcissist.
Now, let’s pause here and clear the air on an important matter. I am from the school of thought that we don’t call someone a Narcissist unless they are a narcissist as defined by the Narcissistic Personality Disorder criteria. This belief is not unlike that of determining whether someone drinks alcohol in a normal manner or rises to the level of an addiction and now the term Alcoholic fits. There isn’t “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” and then “Narcissist Junior”; as if Narcissist Junior is some watered down version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
To all those people who choose to use the term Narcissist loosely, please and for the love of all that is good and wise, stop calling normal people Narcissists. Please. I am begging you.
If you are not a licensed mental health professional and trained in the criteria for diagnosing Narcissism (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), then do your research and start by looking up the DSM 5’s criteria.
We all know that language and word choices play a key part within any group or culture. In the recovery community of psychological abuse, we must pick our language carefully and with intent. Our purpose should be to highlight the incredible fraud that is being perpetrated against victims and to highlight the road to recovery and healing. By watering down the word “Narcissist’ to include any 2 year old child who selfishly wants a toy is harmful not only to the toddler, but to society as a whole. Do some people propose that even kids are narcissists? Yes. That’s the level of misguided thinking that permeates the conversation on this topic.
For you survivors, I strongly encourage you to find a set of beliefs within the recovery community that fit you and your view of your own experiences with a narcissist. Dialogue on the topic is wonderful and I think a wide range of views help survivors find where they fit best in the recovery community. Until scientific discovery finds that magical moment or spot in the brain that can definitively tell us how or why narcissists exist, we will continue to seek answers and that’s a great thing.
Keep Dreaming Big! – Shannon
My counseling business name is Southlake Christian Counseling. As you can imagine, I get all sorts of inquiries about what exactly does the Christian part of my business really mean. People wonder, and more often worry, that they are going to get yet another heavy dose of religious guilt by seeing a counselor with the word Christian in the business name. One of the best compliments I get is when clients say that they were nervous to see a Christian counselor but have had a great experience and never, not once, felt like I was finger waving at them in shame.
Why is it that a lot of people are cautious about things that have to do with Christianity, even Christian counseling? Well, I think it’s because there are far too many pastors and church/ministry leaders out there running amok in the name of God and doing a lot of harm in the process. Harm to people who are trying to find God in the blur of modern life and harm to the terms Christianity and Christian. Now let me pause here and make sure every reader knows that I am not saying all pastors or church leaders are awful. I am saying that some, if not many, are miserable examples of the wonderful character qualities of Jesus. How do I know this to be true? I have been in the culture of Christiandom for twenty-one years and I have seen a lot. A lot.
I have been on church staff, I have been on ministry staff, I have been a member of churches and I have been a member of ministries. I have witnessed the best of Christianity and the worst. For the last eight years, I have been counseling under the umbrella of Christian counseling. I truly think this season has taught me the most about what works beautifully within churches and ministries and what qualifies as spiritual abuse.
Yes, men and women are being abused in some churches and ministries. More light needs to shed on this area not so that embarrassment can come to the collective Church but so that healing can come and no one again experiences abuse in the name of God.
What qualifies as spiritual abuse? Good question! I recently did a five day series on social media highlighting some of the major forms of abuse that are happening:
1) Spiritual Abuse: When scripture on forgiveness is distorted to keep someone from setting healthy boundaries with a toxic person.
Boy, isn’t this a doozy of a one. I see more clients, men and women, who have sought solace and help from a pastor or ministry leader regarding an abusive/toxic relationship and instead, the survivor was given a long lecture about forgiveness and extending grace to the abuser. Ultimately, will any survivor have to walk through the process of healing and in doing so, qualities like forgiveness and grace will surface? Absolutely. But I assure you, that when a survivor initially seeks guidance from a christian leader, they need help setting healthy boundaries with an active abuser. They do NOT need a leader reinforcing the concept that the abuse is the survivor’s fault. That is precisely what happens when instead of teaching boundaries, the leader lectures the survivor to take more abuse but under the guise of misapplied forgiveness and grace.
2) Spiritual Abuse: Using religious guilt to keep a person in a toxic relationship when the offending person shows no true attempt in changing their behavior.
Here’s how this form of abuse works in a practical sense: Let’s say a couple shows up at a pastor’s office for marital “counseling.” By the way, I have a hard time calling it counseling when the work is done by leaders that are not trained mental health professionals. We wouldn’t expect a pastor not trained in dentistry to perform a root canal right? I wrote on this topic if you should wish to peruse it: I Got A Root Canal At Church.
Anyway, back to the couple and the pastor/leader offering marital help. When one spouse isn’t really interested in changing his or her ways, they often do a wonderful job of deflecting responsibility and they might also be highly skilled manipulators. If this is the case, then not much authentic change will come from that person. Pastors and leaders will then need to focus their attention somewhere else in the room and that usually ends up on the spouse who is willing and able to be self-reflective and capable of personal growth. You can probably guess what happens next. The victim of abuse becomes the identified asset of change and religious guilt is used to keep that person trying harder to make an abusive relationship not abusive. At that point, a truly vicious cycle has begun.
3) Spiritual Abuse: When wives are religiously shamed for not praying enough for their toxic husbands, but the men are held to a lower standard.
Let’s continue with the same couple as above and now make the wife the survivor and the husband the abuser. Pastors and leaders who spiritually abuse in this way do so by placing the responsibility on the wives for praying their husband into the godly man he was created to be. She is expected to have the patience of a saint, constantly be turning the other cheek and endure abuse in one or more of its forms (psychological, sexual, emotional, physical, financial). What is the husband expected to do? Not much. Oh sure, there may be discussions about actions the husband needs to take but things don’t really change. While in the pastor/leader’s office, the husband may even wholeheartedly agree that he has areas to improve. But no actually repentance and lasting behavioral changes occur in the husband. Yet the wife is religiously shamed when she brings the double standard up or heaven forbid, she starts to speak about not wanting to take the abuse any longer.
4) Spiritual Abuse: When good men are held to an unreasonable religious standard of personal responsibility for being in and fixing a toxic relationship.
When a good man is in a toxic relationship, he is often told that as the head of the household and the spiritual leader it is his duty to continue to serve his abusive/toxic wife. Is it possible for women to be abusive? Absolutely. Some are physical by punching, pinching, slapping, pushing and other aggressive physical contact. Good men don’t want to be that guy who fights back and rather, many will attempt to defuse a volatile wife through humor or distraction. Good men want to shield their children from physical combativeness. Our culture seems to downplay the impact that verbal abuse can have on people and especially when the perpetrator is a woman. The hurtful, stinging words of toxic women harm those around them just as much as if they were spoken by a man. A good man also wants to shield himself and his children from a psychologically and emotionally abusive wife and mother. Unreasonable religious standards are often placed on men to keep the family together at all cost and love their abusive wives as Christ loved the church. Wow. What a religious burden to place on a man who truly wants what’s best for himself and his children. Sometimes getting away from an abuser is the only way to be safe physically and emotionally.
5) Spiritual Abuse: When church leaders refuse to recognize relational abuse in all its forms and further the abuse by falsely blaming and shaming the victim.
Now here is where the true issue comes to light. There are many trained mental health professionals who struggle to initially recognize insidious relational abuse. As a therapist, it’s hard sometimes to truly sort through the issues that a couple or family present. We have the education and spiritual discernment to help us and it’s still a challenge at times. As mental health professionals, we are trained to know the full depth of relational issues and yet, we can miss the early signs of some forms of abuse. Hopefully, as counseling continues, we hone in on the true core issues. If a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath is a party to the counseling, the entire dynamic shifts and we have to fight to sort through the layers of chaos and confusion intentionally spun by the toxic person.
Many pastors and ministry leaders do not have adequate training to spot relational abuse and therefore, in their ignorance, re-victimize the victim. Other times, a pastor or ministry leader may simply not believe that abuse comes in forms other than physical. If this is the case, that pastor or leader is going to do extensive amounts of harm to a victim who is suffering behind closed doors. Imagine the intense isolation a victim must feel when they are abused at home or from an extended relative and are told by their religious leaders that the abuse does not exist. It will leave a victim feeling “crazy” and desperately alone. Where was God and His leaders when the victim needed both?
Whew. That’s a whole lot to take in, isn’t it? Those are the five main areas of spiritual abuse that as a counselor I see from my specific perspective. Are there more? Most definitely. But I wanted to share at least the ones that seem to be happening the most within churches and ministries at this time in our culture.
What should you do if you or someone you love is being spiritually abused? Keep seeking a safe place to talk about what is happening both in the church or ministry and the original issue of being in a toxic relationship. I often say that people go into a pastor/leader’s office with one problem (an abusive relationship) and end up coming out with two problems (abusive relationship and now spiritually abused). That simply must stop.
Again, I want to say that there are amazing pastors and ministries doing really excellent pastoral care. There are people being incredibly strengthened and encouraged by the spiritual leaders in their lives. That should always be the norm. Until it is, folks like myself and others will continue to shed a spotlight on an area of life as a Christian that needs to change. The change will better reflect the character of Jesus and better reflect living with true love, hope, joy and peace.
– Shannon Thomas, LCSW-S
I was recently contacted and asked to share my thoughts on how a Christian is supposed to deal with narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. To some it may seem like an odd request but actually it isn’t at all. One area of my counseling practice is specializing in recovery from toxic relationships and believe me when I say that trying to have a normal relationship with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath is anything BUT normal. The Hollywood version of how a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath behaves often confuses people and it is after much psychological abuse that someone comes to realize that they were in fact in a very toxic relationship. I think it’s important to know what these relationships look like and there is a great book called “Psychopath Free” by Peace. Here is a link to my book review – “Psychopath Free”.
The topic of how a Christian is supposed to deal with being in a relationship with a very emotionally unhealthy and unsafe person is important because it highlights many significant pitfalls. The reason this becomes an issue is due to the fact that biblical teaching is often taken out of context and used to justify and enable bad behaviors in people. For decades, women who were being physically, emotionally, sexually and psychologically abused by men in their lives were told by pastors that it was their duty to make it work at home and to cook better meals or do other tasks in order to please abusive men. This thinking has permeated church culture. Although nowadays no church in the country would allow a pastor to preach from the pulpit that domestic violence is acceptable, I assure you that individual pastors are still counseling female parishioners that they as women need to bring peace to the home. How do I know this is still happening? I often end up seeing these ladies for counseling. They walked into a pastor’s office with the problem of domestic abuse and came out with the same problem and another one added: it’s their responsibility to fix the abuse by being a better girlfriend, wife or daughter.
This history of placing the blame on the woman when abuse is present has contributed to some Christian women feeling as if they can not set healthy boundaries with men who end up being narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic. Now, I should pause here and say that I know men meet, date and sometimes marry narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths and the damage done is just as intensely painful for these men. The question asked of me was about Christians in particular and I do strongly believe that women have been taught to overlook and put up with abuse in ways that Christian men collectively have not. I could be wrong but it’s just my experience of being a Christian for over twenty years and having been actively involved in churches and previously on ministry staff.
What are Christians supposed to do when interacting with toxic people? I think remembering a few key points is very helpful.
A Tree and Its Fruit
Matthew 7:17 says that we will know a good tree by its fruit and a diseased tree by the fruit it bears. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship but are having trouble with setting what you know to be healthy boundaries, think about the fruit of your interactions with the abusive person. Do you feel anxious, not like your normal self, depressed or like you are living in a chaotic emotional tornado? Is that good or bad fruit? We both know the answer to that question and it’s bad fruit. Bad fruit produced by a bad tree.
God Will Change Him/Her
No, He won’t. Sorry to be so short and blunt about it but God will not change a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. How do I know this to be true? Because I have never, not once, ever, never seen someone changed by God who didn’t want to be changed. Think about it for a minute. Has anyone ever gone to bed a complete high-grade jerk and woke up radically transformed into the loving image of Jesus? Nope. Now I have seen a whole lot of people do a whole lot of praying and soul searching and surrendering and the such and then became completely new people. It’s actually one of my favorite things about the blessings of God. Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths don’t think there is anything wrong with them. It’s part of their disordered thinking that convinces them everyone else is wrong. They are incapable of change. Speaking of change, go ahead and take a look at my blog about the Four Levels Of Change. Don’t believe me? Think about a clinically narcissistic person and the truly positive lasting change that occurred within them. Can’t think of any? Neither can I and I am a therapist.
As Christians, we have to remember that scripture says that God is a gentleman and will go where He is welcomed. He doesn’t kick down doors to get to people who feel they have no need for Him. So if you’re staying stuck in a toxic situation with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath and waiting for God to instantly change him or her, you are seriously wasting months if not years of your life. This thinking is a trap and can become a prison cell in which people stay self-imposed.
I Need To Lead Him /Her To Christ
When the topic of setting boundaries with toxic people comes up, I often hear Christians say that they are concerned about turning their backs on someone because they see it as their duty to lead that person to God. If someone is an evangelical Christian and believes that introducing a non-believer to God is their calling, then I can completely understand the pressure these people feel in cutting ties with unsaved toxic people. If you’re a predestination person, that pressure is different but still a difficult situation.
Whether a person is evangelical or not, staying safe and not becoming a door mat is vitally critical to our own well being. Once we lose our joy and our hope and our peace, we certainly can’t share those beautiful attributes with other people. If the narcissist, sociopath or psychopath in your life is causing or has caused you to be less sparkly than you once were, how can you expect to live the life you were given as a gift?
When Christians say that they don’t want to set needed boundaries because they are giving up on someone, I gently remind them that they are being a titch egocentric to think that they and they alone are only who God can use to bring change into the toxic person’s life. We have to be very careful when lies start whispering that we must be the one who brings truth to a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. When we start thinking this way, we have enslaved ourselves to more abuse in all its various forms.
If you are a Christian and in a toxic relationship, ask yourself what fruit is this relationship bringing to your life. Good fruit or poisoned fruit? Remind yourself that people only change when they see a need and are willing to change. Lastly, you are not the only person on the planet who God can use to reach toxic people.
Does a particular toxic person come to mind and what boundaries do you need to set in order to fully enjoy your life again?
Have you ever read a book and either the timing was just perfect in your life or the material in the book highlighted a topic that was extremely intriguing to you? It’s an amazing experience to gain knowledge right at the exact moment that you need or want it. That happened to me when I read “Psychopath Free” by Peace.
The anonymous author, Peace, does something that is as hard as describing air; Peace shines light on the insidious nature of being in a relationship with a psycho/sociopath. The reason this is quite an impressive feat is because the psycho/sociopath intentionally mimics aspects of a normal relationship but with very different hidden intentions. Therefore, it is incredibly hard for a normal person to see the abuse happening while in the middle of the confusion manufactured by the psycho/sociopath.
As a counselor, I have been witness to many unhealthy relationships and sometimes they were the garden variety of a coupling between a jerk and a nice person. Other times, the relationship dance was very toxic. I do not buy into the belief that all relationship ills are “fifty-fifty” responsibility. I have seen time and time again that one person is usually dragging the relationship down. I would put the percentages closer to 60-40, 70-30 or even 80-20% of who is causing the issues and who is not. We all play some role when our relationships are struggling but usually there is one person that is the weaker link of the two. Feel free to visit my previous blogs on this topic at Weakest Link and Not The Weakest Link.
The book “Psychopath Free” states that it is for those “recovering from emotionally abusive relationships with narcissists, sociopaths and other toxic people.” I will say that everyone should read this book! Young, old, married or single. The reason I feel this way is because we all need a knowledge base of what is normal behaviors in a relationship and when should red-flags be going up. Being in a relationship with a psycho/sociopath throws all our previous understood laws of relationships out the window because the psycho/sociopath is intentionally wanting us off balance so we don’t see their game. Books like “Psychopath Free” help to show the pattern of what it is like to be in a very damaging relationship and therefore we are wiser when dating, giving advice to family or friends or within our own relationships.
Reading a book is like looking at a piece of artwork. Everyone will come away with something slightly different, even while looking at the same material. I encourage you to read “Psychopath Free” yourself but I will give you what were the main take-aways for me and paraphrase what I think the author was trying to share with the reader. There is so much goodness in this book and I am only highlighting a few of the points that jumped out for me.
The idealization stage for a psycho/sociopath is critical. This is where he/she will target a particular person to win them over and essentially brainwash them into thinking they had met the person of their dreams. Peace says “they will feed you constant praise and attention through your phone, Facebook timeline and email inbox.” Within a matter of weeks, the two of you will have your own set of inside jokes, pet names and cute songs.” Now, this might sound like the early stages of all normal relationships but the intent of the psycho/sociopath is very dark. He/she “never truly feels the things they display. They’re observing you, mirroring your every emotion and pretending to ride this high with you.” The psycho/sociopath “love-bombs” the target in order to quickly gain a hook into their victim. Not all psycho/sociopath do this overtly. Some are smart enough to know not to come on too strong or the normal person will flee. A psycho/sociopath is a master of reading people and figuring out just the right amount of attention to give during this idealization stage in order to gain the results of the victim believing that something very special is taking place between them.
During the idealization stage, Peace states that six major points will be employed by the psycho/sociopath:
1) We have so much in common
2) We have the same hopes and dreams
3) We share the same insecurities
4) You are beautiful (handsome)
5) I’ve never felt this way in my life
6) We are soul mates
That all sounds really great right? Sounds like two people falling in love and the normal beginning of a relationship. Sadly, for those involved with a psycho/sociopath, it’s all lies. The normal person believes they have met their soul mate who is so much like them, but in reality, they have met a con who is manufacturing love feelings within the normal person. The psycho/sociopath wants the normal person to be hooked on the attention because guess what is coming next? The stage in which the psycho/sociopath begins to create heartbreak for the normal person. It’s all part of the game and entertainment for the psycho/sociopath. Crazy right?
Once the psycho/sociopath is sure that he/she has the normal person on the hook, they will begin testing the level of dependency they have created within the normal person. Peace shares that the psycho/sociopath will flood the normal person with emails, phone calls, social media posts, texts or other forms of communication that creates an expectancy and routine but once the normal person is brainwashed enough, the psycho/sociopath will suddenly go silent for hours or days at a time and sits back to watch the normal person panic by the sudden change in behaviors. If the normal person says something to the psycho/sociopath, he/she will begin blaming the normal person and name calling such as needy, dependent, crazy, psycho, jealous and other unpleasant things. But the truth is that the psycho/sociopath did it all on purpose to create chaos for the normal person.
During the devaluing stage, the psycho/sociopath will utilize methods to cause distress in the normal person. The silent treatment is one but so is triangulation. According the Peace, this is where the psycho/sociopath will ignore you but spend lots of time on social media interacting with exes and people the psycho/sociopath had previously told you were “crazy” or of no importance to him/her. But they are ignoring you to engage with them so something must be going on. The bottom line is that the psycho/sociopath wants to emotionally destroy the normal person for their own entertainment and in the process make the normal person feel and look crazy.
Another favorite trick of a psycho/sociopath is called gas-lighting. This is where the psycho/sociopath out right denies previously known facts and will attempt to make the normal person doubt their own memory and re-counting of history. This type of brainwashing can take on different forms but the ultimate outcome is that the psycho/sociopath has fun by suddenly changing the facts and watching the normal person squirm in confusion. Remember though, the normal person thinks he/she has met their soul mate and is deeply committed to the relationship so all these games are intensely painful for the victim.
Wait for it…the bottom is about to fall out for the normal person. The psycho/sociopath had successfully love-bombed the normal person into believing they had found their soul mate, started pulling the strings of the normal person for their own entertainment and now the psycho/sociopath is ready for the next victim so he/she must discard the useless one or the one who started to see the game. According to Peace,
“the psychopath carefully selects the most indifferent and heartbreaking way imaginable to abandon you. They want you to self-destruct, cleaning up any loose end as they begin the grooming process with their latest victim. They destroy you as a way to reassure themselves that their new target is better. But most importantly, they destroy you because they hate you. They despise your empathy and love – qualities they must pretend to feel every single day. To destroy you is to temporarily silence the nagging reminder of the emptiness that consumes their soul.”
See why I love this book so much? It describes a hidden agenda within some relationships that is so hard to pin-point that it often leaves the victim blaming themselves and deeply wounded. But there is recovery from intensely toxic relationships with a psycho/sociopath. The last section of “Psychopath Free” goes into great detail of how to walk out of an abusive relationship with a psycho/sociopath and how to get your feet firmly planted back on the ground and actually come out of the experience healthier, wiser and truly happier.
Due to the hidden and dark agenda of a psycho/sociopath, it is important that people educate themselves on the warning signs that these types of people put out and to follow through on No Contact with such individuals. If you find yourself relating to some of what you have read above or have a family member or friend who may be in an emotionally abusive relationship, please reach out to a counselor or trusted confidant and share your story. Isolation is one of the main tools used by abusive people and breaking out of that loneliness can be just the thing that starts the healing process.
Finally, a big THANK YOU to Peace for your work in writing the book, keeping the Facebook page and website going and everything else you are doing to help people heal and be restored from psychopathic abuse. You are a gift to many…