Is Self-Care Selfish?

Taking good care of ourselves – before we care for others – is not selfish.
It’s smart and healthy

As a therapist, I work with many people who are extremely busy. Busy with careers, kids, relationships, extended family, hobbies, community involvement, and on and on. Many clients come in to my office burned out and tired. On several occasions, people have told me that coming to counseling is the only hour in their week where they turn off their cell phone and are able to sit and relax in a quiet environment. Why are we so exhausted all the time?

As a society we have lost the ability to care for ourselves very well. If you look back at the advertising campaigns in the 1950’s, modern-day inventions were suppose to give us more leisure time. We were promised lots of time with our families if we just bought this or that gadget for our home. The lies of advertising are still with us. Getting the latest and greatest cell phone with Internet access will allow us to be in constant contact with the people who are important to us. What about taking time to care for ourselves? To rest, sit in quietness, listen to music we enjoy uninterrupted, read a good book and best of all; listen to what God has to say to us.

There is a myth that taking care of ourselves before we help other people will label us selfish. You may have even been told by – and I use this term deliberately – a toxic person that you are selfish for taking care of yourself before meeting their need. Beware! There are people lurking out in the world who want you to meet their needs above all other’s, including your own. I am not advocated that everyone only do what they want to do without regard for others. I am suggesting that we must know ourselves well enough to recognize when burnout and fatigue has settled into our spirit and body. This is true no matter what profession you are in or whether you work at all. We will be better fathers, mothers, employees, employers, volunteers, friends, parents and human beings if we care for ourselves and then care for the needs of others.

Are you Better or Bitter?

Reflect for a moment on whether any unfortunate circumstances you have faced in life have made you a better person on the other side of it – or a more bitter person.

It’s usually one or the other

Life just somehow has a way of running us over and at times, backing up to make sure the job of discouraging us is complete. It is a fact that things will happen in this life that we don’t want, don’t like and wish would go away. I am so incredibly grateful to serve a God who walked this earth and knows first hand what it is like to have unfortunate circumstances pay a visit.

I have seen over and over (and over) again that people emerge from difficult seasons one of two ways; either better or bitter. If people come through hard times clinging to Jesus and having an overcoming spirit, then they usually are better people for the experience. They have softer hearts for others who are suffering, more transparency about their own shortcomings and a general humbleness that is wonderful to be around. However, there are those individuals who will go through adversity and not get better but will grow increasingly bitter about their circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, being frustrated is a natural response to hard times. The challenge is to not stay in our frustration so long that it turns into bitterness.

During a season of unfortunate circumstances in my own life, a wise friend would remind me enthusiastically that “Jesus has a plan and it’s working out perfectly!” This was hard to hear when I felt that things were far from perfect. If you find yourself in a difficult life experience right now, I challenge you to feel all the feelings honestly that come from this season and determine in your heart that you will emerge from this better and not bitter.

Book recommendation: “Shattered Dreams” by Larry Crabb.