Because of the Narcissist, I Know – By Monica Dane

I know what love-bombing is

I know what idealizing means

I know that “gaslighting” was not just a movie

I know where “hoovering” gets its name

I know what it’s like to be “projected” on

I know that being “mirrored” doesn’t involve an actual mirror

I know what it’s like to be lied to

I know what it’s like to feel trapped

I know and have experienced being “hollowed”

I know and can recognize “flying monkeys”

I know what “intermittent reinforcement” is

I know what it feels like to be devalued

I know what it feels like to be disrespected

I know what it feels like to not be cherished

I know what it’s like to be criticized and condemned

I know what it’s like to be spoken to in a condescending tone

I know what it feels like to be emotionally abandoned

I know what it’s like to see my children witness psychological abuse

I know what it’s like to not do anything right no matter how hard you try

I know that a “smear campaign” happens outside of the political arena

I know that drama isn’t always on stage

I know what a lack of empathy in a person looks like

I know that life-sucking vampires really exist

I know what it’s like to see a toddler in a grown man’s body

I know that “discard” has nothing to do with a deck of cards

I know how important “NO CONTACT” is

I know that at times “detached contact” is best

I know what boundaries are and that they were completely disregarded

I know that abuse doesn’t always leave scars and bruises

I know what it’s like to see evil in human form

I know that “Jekyl and Hyde” is not just a great musical

I know what a “mask” is and have seen it taken on and off

I know what codependency is and realized I became one

I know what “covert” and “overt” are

I know what it feels like to “walk on egg-shells”

I know what it feels like to think you’re going crazy

I know that “triangulating” is not a symbol played in music class

I know what it feels like to stop trusting people

I know what it feels like to be skeptical of everyone

I know what it feels like to be anxious all of the time

I know what it feels like to be isolated and alone

I know what it’s like to be controlled

I know what it’s like to want to be perfect

I know what it feels like to be a puppet on a string

I know when my prayers changed

I know what it feels like to break free

I know what it feels like to climb out of the pit of despair

I know what it feels like to trust my judgement again

I know what it feels like to educate myself on what I’ve experienced

I know what it feels like to peel back painful but necessary layers of healing

I know what it feels like to not be consumed with anxiety

I know what it feels like to smile

I know what joy feels like when it enters your soul again

I know what it feels like to spend time with my family and friends again

I know what it feels like to restore my relationship with my children

I know and have witnessed my children healing from psychological abuse

I know what it’s like to be independent again and financially not tied to anyone

I know what it’s like to care for my well-being

I know what it’s like to not be depressed

I know what it feels like to be hopeful for mine and my kids future

I know what it’s like to exercise and eat right

I know what it feels like to breathe again

I know what it’s like to not allow a person to signify my worth and beauty

I know what strength and courage look like

I know what it’s like to learn to love again

I know that God loves me…no matter what

I know I can be healed

I know I can be redeemed

I know I can be restored

I know I am a daughter of the Most High

I know I don’t worry about people judging me

I know I no longer judge people who are in/or have been in toxic relationships

I know I no longer judge anyone who chooses divorce

I know I have been there

I know someone needs to hear my story…BEAUTY FROM ASHES 

Pass it on….

Call Monica at 817-846-6331 or email monica@southlakecounseling.org

Target on a Train by Monica Dane

She walked along the street reflecting on her life; the blessings, the heart-aches and the hard lessons she learned along the way.  She was hopeful for her future and all of the things she still wanted to do and accomplish. She firmly believed she had the adequate tools to tackle anything with the help of God.

She heard some noises coming from the train station and decided to change her path and walk in that direction. Little did she know, it would change the course of her future and events. At that moment in time, it seemed like a good idea. She was drawn to the hustle and bustle around the station.  There were so many people there and the perfect place to people watch.  She sat down, a moment to breathe the fresh air and take it all in.  She was a well-educated, kind-hearted, beautiful woman. A beauty that radiated joy to all of those who encountered her. There was a quality about her that was real, authentic. A giving heart and caring nature. A warm feeling you would receive when you had a conversation with her.

She wasn’t sure if she was wanting to board the train and go somewhere, or if she just wanted to flirt with the possibility of where it might take her. She stood up and decided to walk along the path and take in more sights. She glanced at another train nearby that was sleek, polished, beautiful, seemingly perfect, attractive, and intriguing. It looked as if it was a fast train. She had no clue that trains like this even existed, but they do.

Not everything is as it appears to be. The next thing she remembers is stepping up on the big step and closing the train door behind her; not knowing that the fresh, clean air that she had been breathing would be her last for a while. She turned around and looked through the window that appeared clear from the outside of the train, but yet was dark and cloudy from inside looking out. Something in her told her she wanted this experience. It was exciting.

The train gradually started moving. What she thought would be a thrilling moment and a good idea at the time, was changing. She knew in her gut she had made a mistake, but she didn’t take the opportunity to get off the train right away. She told herself that if she could just get comfortable, that things would be better on this train. She found a place to sit next to the cloudy, gray window, and looked out. As the train would approach different streets, it would gradually slow down and stop. Could she get off the train now?  She saw people passing by, some strangers looking her way and the attention was nice. She saw friends laughing and having a good time, encouraging each other. Families gathered together.

As the train picked up speed, she was becoming a little sick, nauseous, nervous, anxious. She was starting to feel as if she couldn’t take in a full deep breath and was on the verge of hyper-ventilating. She felt closed off from the world around her. Isolated. The train began moving so fast and she wasn’t prepared for the speed of it. She saw glimpses of people, places, things: life passed her by. She no longer was full of joy, but consumed with regret and feelings that if she could change things on the train then it wouldn’t be so bad and she could get by.

However, this train had power and control over her. Trapped. No way out. Even if she could get off, she was too scared. She felt all alone and the train was picking up even more momentum.  At the current speed, she was sure it would crash and the ride would all be over; she wasn’t convinced that was a bad idea. Yet, she had no idea of how to make the train stop.  She was embarrassed that she even had willingly boarded this train.  She had tried to strategically plan how she could get off many times but wasn’t successful. One day, she did something different and she let go of controlling it and prayed. Cried out to God to help her and knew that she couldn’t do it alone. When she finally had enough courage and strength, she jumped (more like leaped) from the train. It was incredibly freeing, and immediately she felt so much relief. She ran and ran and ran until she couldn’t run anymore. She was limping, bruised and wounded but alive.

The dust is now settling. She’d never be quite the same person as she was before she boarded the train, but she has rediscovered parts of her she didn’t know existed.  A strength and courage within her that she never knew she possessed. She’s wiser. Even the conversations she has with friends, strangers, and family feel like divine appointments. What she needs is to take the baby steps in healing past hurts, pains, regrets. She feels safe; cautiously optimistic for her future.

She will never get back on a train like the one before. Ever.

Target on a Train by Monica Dane, Mentor Coach
Monica can be reached at
817-846-6331 or monica@southlakecounseling.org